I was in class while violent white supremacists stormed our Capitol. In class with eleven other women, learning how to hold space and examine painful thoughts, while aggrieved men desecrated one of the most sacred places in our government. Once I was out of class and realized what was happening, I could not stop thinking about the juxtaposition between the space I just occupied and the chaos unfolding halfway across the country.

I did not have an illusions that 2021 would be magically different from 2020. After 2019 nearly tore me in half, with the death of my father and my dog less than three months apart, and a spectacularly shitty couple of years before that, I deeply understand that the universe owes me nothing. So when the calendar turned on Friday, January 1, I cast a skeptical eye towards what might come. The universe wasted no time in getting to work. On January 1st, my community endured a severe ice storm with .3-.4 in. of ice piling up over the course of the day. It would take ten days for the ice to melt and it would be twelve days before we’d see the sun again. I was in Prompt Care on Sunday morning, January 3 with a case of shingles. Violent white supremacists terrorized our Capitol on Wednesday, January 6. Jack and Lola were at the vet on Saturday morning, January 9 where Lola had some “maintenance” on her anal glands and Jack was diagnosed with a thyroid problem. Lola was back at the vet the next Saturday, yesterday, with an ear infection. 2021, coming in hot.

And yet, the last few weeks have been some of the most peaceful weeks I’ve experienced in quite a few years. And not just because I spent the first ten days of the year sick and mostly stuck on the couch. Today (Sunday, January 17) is my 17th day with out social media. I planned on taking a break from just Facebook and Instagram, but haven’t felt the urge to login to Twitter, so my FB/IG break turned into a social media break. Of course, I had no idea that my hiatus would coincide with an insurrection, but my timing couldn’t have been better. It was fascinating to experience such a cataclysmic event without the noise of social media. It was SIGNIFICANTLY less stressful. Significantly.

Without this pause, I wouldn’t have known how affected I am by the swarm of input from my social media feeds, which is exponentially amplified during significant events. I was able to follow the news about the violence, without the extra chatter. It was just the facts. Because of that, I felt some space from what was happening. As terrible as it was, I wasn’t anxious, I didn’t spin out about what would happen next. I didn’t feel compelled to form my own opinions about it. I talked with a few friends about what was happening, and M listened to many more of my ramblings than he cares to, I’m sure. I eventually wrote my Representative. But it all felt very civilized, unemotional…in a good way. A healthy way.

Beyond the tremendous decrease in anxiety related to political events, I’m reading way more. Since the start of the year, I’ve read The Witches are Coming by Lindy West and Wintering by Katherine May (I highly recommend both books). I’m just finishing up A Liberated Mind by Stephen C. Hayes for my coach training. Never mind how I will be able to use the tools outlined in the book in my work with clients, but I have a dramatically different perspective on the chatter and anxiety that has always resided in my head. One of my top priorities for this week is to start practicing some of the techniques outlined in the book. Thank you sweet tiny baby Jesus for brilliant researchers who can write coherent books for regular folks. I’m also reading Running Home by Katie Arnold (a gift from a dear friend, thank you Kristy!) and Mediocre by Ijeoma Oluo. Reading Mediocre, who’s subtitle is “The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America” on the heels of the insurrection on January 6 is particularly rich. I have always been prone to reading two-to-three books at once and these last few weeks have been no exception. I’ve even managed to watch two(!!) movies, which probably only happened due to being sick. But still, it counts. If you haven’t seen Just Mercy, please watch it. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Even though it’s barely halfway through the month, I’m already thinking ahead to what happens when February arrives. I realize that this is my experiment and that I make the rules. Meaning I don’t have to come back to social media if I’m not ready. But I do miss my friends, even as I’ve been zooming, emailing, texting, and chatting on the phone with some (seriously, I’d love to do more of all of this, let’s chat!). I’m certain I don’t want to leave these platforms. However, I don’t want to go back to my old habits. I want to retain the hard-earned peace I’ve found these last few weeks. I’ve thought about how I might create an online environment that feels more friendly and less antagonistic. Honestly, I think (hope) the inauguration in just a few days will go a long way in creating that. Trump is a cancer that’s infected all of us. With him out of the White House, I hope we might start the long process of healing the damage of the last five years. A Biden administration will bring down the temperature, even for Republicans. While they might not agree with his politics, he will lead the government in a way we are accustomed, with seriousness and grace. His staff and administration are comprised of people who are deeply familiar with government and know how to do the people’s work. Government was never meant to be a business and should not be treated as such.

Mostly, I’m getting better at not abandoning myself and I want to hang on to that. Learning to stay with myself is partly why I’m taking a break from alcohol. I don’t drink much, and I don’t drink often, but I want to be far more careful about how, when, and why I escape. Taking a pause from social media and not drinking for a while are two “easy” ways to do that. Now when my brain needs a break, rather than scrolling mindlessly on my phone, I read a book, work on a crossword from the New York Times (which are really hard, BTW), or watch a favorite episode of The Office. If I have a thought that’s hooked me, I use one of the tools from my coach training to take a look at it. Peace has been the overriding theme of the year so far, even with an ice storm, shingles, an insurrection, and two sick dogs, all with an escalating pandemic as the backdrop. And for that, I am deeply grateful.