I admire streakers. People who can do something every. single. day. without taking a break. I know several runners, one of whom is my sister, who are in the midst of multi-year running streaks. The longest I’ve gone is 35 days and it felt like an eternity. Beyond eating and sleeping (my two favorite things in the world), there’s nothing I really want to do everyday. I run six days per week not seven, eat well most of the time but not all of the time.

I’ve read extensively about the benefits of doing something every day, whether it’s running or following a diet such the Whole30, which requires complete adherence to a set of rules for 30 days in order to “complete” the program. I’ve tried (and failed) the Whole30 no less than ten times. My one-and-only run streak spanned the holidays and lasted just over a month. I understand the benefits to streaking – the problem solving that’s cultivated, the commitment that’s developed – but those benefits don’t seem to apply to me. Instead, I end up with what can only be described as anxiety and feel nothing but relief when it’s over.

I’ve wondered if my aversion to streaking is somehow related to a tendency to get overly fixated on numbers. Knowing this about myself, I don’t weigh often or track food intake regularly. Somehow, I’m able to track running-related data without adverse consequences. I think that because I started running when I was so young (11 years old) and ran for over ten years before I kept a training log and tracked mileage, I have a strong connection to running itself that exists independent of the data I keep. I’ve gone without collecting any running-related information for multiple several month stretches over the last few years as I’ve struggled with my health, after logging data very consistently for the previous ten years, and only picked it back up when I regained interest in the information. Running data is just data, and in that it is unique.

So in that context, it’s interesting that my only New Year’s Resolution involves a streak of sorts. After losing track of my meditation practice early last year, I decided to take advantage of the fresh start the turn of the calendar provides and get back to it. As someone who is easily distracted and often stuck in my head, meditation really helps quiet the noise. Also, I want to create some space between the things that happen and my reactions to those things. Whether it’s as innocuous as an annoying social media post (Trump’s daily Twitter barrage) or something more “legitimate”, I want to be more intentional and measured in regards to what thoughts wander through my head. Maybe more eye rolls and fewer f*cks? I’m not sure what form the shift will take, but I’m curious to find out.

When I’m meditating regularly, my focus is improved, mental restlessness reduced, and my head just seems quieter. But because my inner dialogue is so active, meditating is HARD. It takes me a good while to get into a groove, to get to a place where I can really settle in and be in a place of quiet. Like with anything that’s difficult, it can be hard to push through the first few weeks when it feels like more of a battle than a practice. Which is where the streak comes in. I want to force myself to lean into the discomfort and the difficulty, not put it off until tomorrow, which can be easy to do when you aren’t doing it every day. I’m only shooting for a few months, as once I get to a place where it feels less of a fight I’ll probably go to 5-6 days per week, just like with running. But first I want to cultivate the practice. Hopefully the meditation itself will alleviate any of the anxiety from a streak, allowing them in a sense to cancel each other out (seriously).

So far, my streak is six days long. I’ve meditated at least ten minutes each day, twice right before going to sleep because I forgot earlier in the day. I’m working to develop a routine so that it fits more naturally into the fabric of my day, but at this point I’m just happy that is happens, even if it’s right before bed. My goal is to work up to 30 consecutive minutes. I’ll drop the streak if it becomes counterproductive, but I have a good feeling about it. I’m usually not one to make “resolutions”, preferring instead to greet the new year with intentions or priorities as I like to leave room for things to evolve. But this is one time where I don’t want it to evolve. I want to make this happen, so I’ve named it. And now I’ve put it here. So here’s to 2018…the year of the quiet mind and more intentional swearing.

“Sitting still is a pain in the ass.” ~ Noah Levine