A few days ago I was sitting in a cafe having lunch. I was eating alone, reading my book. I know that reading while eating is a bad habit, but I’ve been doing it since I was a kid and can’t stop. While waiting for my food, I looked around at the handful of tables and the majority of people were eating with others. Every so often I’d glance up from my book and towards the end of my lunch, I was struck by how much time these people spent on their devices. What’s the point of lunching with friends or colleagues if much of the time your noise is buried in a device? Put down the phones, people.

I was late to the texting and social media game. Not because of any noble principles, but mostly because technology doesn’t interest me much. As the years have gone on and devices get easier to use (and do more stuff), I’ve found myself spending more time on my phone. And lately I’ve begun to hate it, which is a tricky place to be. We don’t have a landline, and even if we did, I wouldn’t want anyone to call me on it. There’s not much I hate more than talking on the phone. Texting and social media are great, ideal forms of communication for a quiet person. I have a large number of friends with whom I wouldn’t be connected without them, and I’m not interested in letting those relationships go just so I can “disconnect”. But I struggle to find a balance with being connected and being TOO connected. More recently, I’ve noticed myself grabbing my phone when my brain needs a break. This feels like a slippery slope, one that I want to step off of quickly. I think it’s reducing my ability to focus, almost like the habit itself is creating a sort of ADD.

I’ve read a number of articles providing insight on how and why to disconnect. But I don’t want to disconnect, I simply want to connect more intentionally. I used to be terrible at keeping my cell on my person, which wasn’t a big deal until I missed a call from M’s best friend telling me he’d had a skydiving accident. (Major wife fail.) Now I wear a bluetooth-enabled watch, which feels like a good solution for someone who still doesn’t keep her phone close by…I rarely miss messages/calls anymore, but can turn off the bluetooth when I want to unplug.

I’ve thought a great deal about the person I don’t want to be…I don’t want to be the girl checking her phone at stoplights (this makes me crazy…when did sitting still for two minutes become so damn difficult?). I don’t want to be the person texting/on social media while sharing a meal with others. I don’t want to interrupt conversations with live, in-person humans to take care of something on my phone. I don’t want to reach for a device when my brain needs to check out for a few min. I need to develop some boundaries, but I’m not yet sure what those boundaries look like.

This post is less a description of a solution and more an exploration of the problem. Cell phones, social media and increased connectivity aren’t going away, and I don’t want them to. But I want to cultivate a healthier relationship with them so that I can be more present, even if it’s just being more present with myself. This introvert is prone to daydreaming and a wandering mind, and in someways, these technologies reinforce the darker side of that tendency. Our time on this planet is incredibly short…walking around with my nose in a device isn’t how I want to prioritize my time. Savoring conversations with the humans in my life (conversations which could be electronic), cooking a fabulous meal, hanging out with my dog, seeing, smelling, feeling nature as I run through the woods, that’s the good stuff for me. I need to ensure that how I utilize my devices supports how I want to spend my time, and that they don’t become a distraction that syphons my attention from what matters.

“The real ugliness lies in the relationship between people who produce the technology and the things they produce, which results in a similar relationship between the people who use the technology and the things they use.”  ― Robert M. Pirsig