As I drove to work on Wednesday morning, I witnessed four different people run four different red lights. These were the first four stop lights I came to that morning. Beyond forcing me to consider the safety of my six-mile commute, it got me thinking…when did we become such jerks? When you start paying attention, you quickly realize we’ve turned into a bunch of selfish, distracted punks.
One definition of respect is “a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important”. What strikes me about the definition is the inherent assumption of value or importance. When considering how we interact with each other, in so many instances, we say the exact opposite with our words and actions. When we run the red light because we’re in a hurry or not paying attention, we’re essentially saying to the other people at the intersection “I don’t value you or your safety”. When we argue impatiently with on some random person on Facebook, we’re saying “you’re not important enough for me to consider my words”. The breakdown of civility is having deep implications, as evidenced by our complete inability to have fruitful dialogue about hard things. When we can’t drive across town without respecting one another, how on earth do we imagine we can discuss something as challenging and complicated as access to healthcare or climate change, or a topic as polarizing as a woman’s right to choose?
If you walk into any coffee shop on a given day, often times you’ll see at least half of the patrons buried in their devices, whether that’s a computer or a phone. Regularly, these folks are seated with other people who are similarly engaged. I’ve wondered about the consequences of this shift. How much has the transition in how we communicate influenced how we treat one another? How has the evolution in how we make connections influenced how we communicate? And how does this environment reinforce the “me” culture that appears to be doing us in?
In a society void of respect, having compassion for those who’ve walked a different path is impossible. I can’t be concerned for your well-being if I don’t value you as a human. My not taking the time to understand a community’s unique challenges demonstrates that I don’t find them to be important enough to warrant careful consideration. When someone says “poor people just need to work harder” that’s the message, for when you take the time to understand how institutionalized poverty is in our country, you quickly realize how escaping it is so much more than just “working harder”. Are there lazy people who are poor? No doubt. Is that an excuse to devalue the experiences of families living in poverty? Absolutely not.
The culture we’ve created has dangerous consequences. The election of Donald Trump is one extreme. Selfishness was essentially the heart of his campaign…”Screw the rest of the world, America comes first; this country is in a terrible place and I am the only one who can save you.” My neighbor who can’t wait his turn at a four-way stop is the other. I’m not sure how we evolve from this. My personal resistance includes driving as though I give a shit about others on the road, making eye contact and small talk with strangers in public (I loathe small talk…this is a bigger deal than it should be), being very careful about how and where I engage in conversations on difficult topics, and putting down the phone/computer more often. Also, I’m trying to listen more than I talk. As an introvert, this comes easy to me, but I’m listening harder, listening more to understand. Perhaps if we all extend a bit more kindness, a bit more grace, we can change the energy of the world around us.
“Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be.” ~Leo Tolstoy
